Ok, so when I was pregnant with my first, Jacob, I had this romantic idea of what I wanted my birthing experience to be like. And part of that fantasy was having Ben there with me, being my rock, supporting me, and helping me through the pain.
I remember my Godson’s mum telling me how after he was born, his dad was sent away home, and couldn’t stay any longer at the hospital, and was to come back the next day. And when she told me this, I instantly got angry, and was adamant, that I was not gone let anyone send Ben home, and that he was to stay with me the whole time, blah blah blah.

Fast forward to the night before Jacob was born, I was 8 days over due, and because they weren’t that busy, I was asked If I wanted to be induced that night, and of course I said yes because I was so SICK of being pregnant!
It’s 9 pm and I’m lying on he bed, and the midwives are there doing my inducing, and Ben is calmly sat next to me, holding my hand, and my fantasy birth seems to be going alright so far. But once it got past midnight, I started feeling really uncomfortable, and it didn’t matter how I sat, or laid in the bed, I wasn’t feeling relaxed, and comfortable, and I was no way able to sleep. But sleeping Beauty next to me, had no problem! Ben had put two chairs together to make a bed for himself. Although it actually wasn’t that easy to sleep on, and I got so annoyed by his moaning of how tired he was, and told him to use my bed.

7 am the midwives change routa, and I’m given paracetamol, and they are considering breaking my waters. Ben on the other hand is complaining about the lack of sleep he’s had, how uncomfortable he was, and how hungry etc. *rolls eyes* luckily for me, this affects ben’s ability to help me in any way. So the midwives have made the decision to break my waters and move me to my own private room, this is when the pain really kicks in. And it’s also the point when my sister (who is also pregnant) arrives to help and see her nephew. My sister kind of focused on what the midwives and doctors were saying and doing, and poor Ben was trying so hard to stay awake and hold my hand.

Once I’d had the Epidural I was calm, comfortable and could finally lie down. i was on it for 4 hours and then I had to push. I remember Ben assisting the head midwife in holding one of my legs, while she held the other, because I was still numb, I had to be held and follow the midwives instructions on how to push. My sister was by my head at one point, cheering me on, but then I think she went down to my legs to see Jacob appear. She was so excited.
While I was in the theatre being stitched back together, Ben gave Jacob his first feed, and with the help and support of our midwife, he put his first nappy on, and his first outfit. Then when I was brought through to give him a feed myself, I was told that Ben had to go home. And I wasn’t scared, and I was a bit relieved to be honest. I needed to sleep, he needed to sleep, and I felt I was in the best place.

I’ve heard many stories of how Daddy’s are and how they handle the whole birthing experience. Some stories would make you laugh, some would make you jealous, and some would annoy you.
My father in-law for example, while my sister in law was being born, sat and read a newspaper, while my mother in law was screaming her tits off. After the birth, he went to play in a football match for a sunday league?!
When my mother in law was in labour with Ben, his dad was in the pub, getting pissed and celebrating?!
Then you have my brother in law, who was trying his hardest to do everything and anything he could think of to ease my sisters pain. While I stood there eating M&Ms telling her “you’ll be fine” and “not long now”.
When My mum was in labour with me, my dad was stuck on an oil rig, because he boss wouldn’t let him go home to see the birth of his first child. So my grandma was there instead for my mum and apparently she was amazing, and even ended up taking over from the midwife!

I know now I didn’t need Ben to rub my back and tell me everything going to be ok blah blah blah. I just needed to see him, and needed him just there. I knew I could do it myself, but it was a comfort to have him there by my side in the room, even if he was moaning about how tired he was. Honestly, they’d be useless at going through labour themselves, midwives would quite if men were able to give birth!
When Ben was asked what it was like being there in the room seeing me going through labour, he said that it was really difficult for him, because he didn’t know how to make me feel better, and all he felt was useless. Then he said he was scarred for life when he saw Jacob actually come out of my fanny, cus he said it really is like watching your favourite pub burn down!

For me personally, having your partner there is comforting but Im also glad my sister was there because she was switched on, and new everything that was happening to me and who was in the room, and what was happening next. Ben didn’t have a clue, and probably still couldn’t tell you who did what. It is also difficult having the father of your child stand next to you, and not suffering any pain what so ever, when it’s partly his fault that you are screaming and crying at the top of your lungs, and possibly shitting as well, infront of room full of people staring at your fanny telling you to “push!”

I must admit though, when I was in labour with Finnley, thankfully it all happened in one day, and Ben had gotten a really go nights sleep the night before, and was a bit more switched on. He even recognised a couple of the midwives from the first time!

So forget that fantasy you have in your head about how amazing its all gone be, and how supportive your partner is going to be, because the reality is, you are the only one doing the pushing, the only one in pain, and nothing they do or don’t do is really going to help. But, if having them there is enough for you then great, however please consider having a second person in the room, incase your partner’s brain is frazzled and has no idea what’s actually going on. I’d also recommend that second person to be female, if possible.